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ReadPETA PROTEST "CRACKERS"? (Arts & Leisure): PISTOL CREEK — Flush with victory over Feld Entertainment, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals picketed the Pistol Creek Walmart Store to protest the sale of animal crackers. In March, after 145 years of featuring elephants in its circus acts, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey announced t . . . .
ReadMFTV -- VIEWER'S GUIDE (Arts & Leisure): 7PM 5 Entertainment Tonight (CC)--News 0012852 Classic episode with John Teisch teasing Mary Hart to the point of tears over her shocking lack of knowledge of Gilligan's Island trivia. 7:30 8 Seinfeld (x-CC) --Reality RU486 Mr. Castanza finally tells George he is short and bald due to an aborted ab . . . .
ReadFALLS GONE WILD (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- This week's meeting of the Mudcat Falls Board of Tourism erupted into chaos over the resubmittal of a proposal by Vice Chairperson Porky Chumwater, as he has done every year since 1985, to have the town make a bid to replace Ft. Lauderdale as a Spring Break Mecca for college student . . . .
ReadONSTAR ADVISORS RUN AMUCK (Arts & Leisure): DETROIT -- General Motors is scrambling to put the lid on a growing number of reports that OnStar advisors are over stepping their bounds with actions far beyond the normal services provided by the innovative motorist assistance program. "I had just super-sized my Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese . . . .
ReadOPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM INCLUDES MEGA MALL (Arts & Leisure): BAGHDAD -- Local real estate magnate Fuzwald Stump unveiled plans to build a new mega mall in suburban Baghdad. When completed, the proposed "Mall of Arabia" will be a 6.3 million square feet complex, making it the largest retail space in the world. "Look, we're doing our part in the liberation of . . . .
Read"MICKEY MOUSE" FEUD STEAMS INTO TOWN (Arts & Leisure): BURBANK -- Calabash County has unexpectedly become the latest battleground for the high profile corporate clash and board room in-fighting over the future of the entertainment juggernaut founded by Walt Disney, when lawyers representing the media conglomerate filed for a temporary injunction agains . . . .
ReadMUDCAT FALLS HISTORICAL SOCIETY FIGHTS TO SAVE LOCAL CIVIL WAR SITE (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- It wasn't the battle of the Blue and Gray, but Mars versus Venus -- the battle of the sexes -- that raged in Calabash County during the great American Civil War. While men were dying in battle at Gettysburg, Antetiem, Bull Run and Vicksburg, the women of Mudcat Falls were keeping th . . . .
ReadLOCAL ATTORNEY GOES HOLLYWOOD (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- Locally renowned defense attorney, Steve Dallas, has announced that he will produce and star in a new television series entitled, Steve Dallas' TV Appeals Court to begin airing this fall on MFTV. "This genre totally misrepresents the U.S. legal system in that there is not even an ap . . . .
ReadBEWARE OF KILLER CHRISTMAS CARDS (Arts & Leisure): KANSAS CITY -- Hallmark Cards, Inc., the personal expression industry leader virtually synonymous with consumers' preferred brand of greeting card, quietly settled a lawsuit with the Concerned League of Academics and Pundits, agreeing to include a warning label on all Christmas Cards stating that " . . . .
ReadTWITTER DROPS PLANS FOR FEMALE ONLY NETWORK (Arts & Leisure): SAN FRANCISCO -- Twitter has quietly shelved plans for a real-time information network designed for exclusive use by women. "We are, of course, both disappointed and perplexed at this regrettable decision, since social networks have become increasingly hostile environments for women with the growin . . . .
ReadWEATHERMEN LOSE THEIR COOL (Arts & Leisure): BOSTON -- The Climategate controversy heated up with the leak of a new batch of emails hacked from American Meteorologist Society servers detailing some of the motivation behind the alleged hiding of data by researchers. The communications reveal a near obsession with the power and prestige garnere . . . .
ReadNO PEACE PIPE FOR PORKY'S (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- Downtown Porky's Cigar Bar is now under new management and, in spite of the Mudcat Falls Municipal Code, is open again for business, hosting record crowds. "This is outrageous and will not stand," declared Alicia Fingletart, chairperson of Call to Legislate Anti-Smoking Policies, an . . . .
ReadLOCAL MAN CHARGED IN HOLLYWOOD HATE CRIME (Arts & Leisure): BURBANK -- The first man arrested and charged under the new Hollywood Hate Crime statutes of California was local man Rodney Slackjaw, who was apprehended while standing in line at NBC's Burbank studios for tickets to The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Slackjaw is alleged to have made disparaging rema . . . .
ReadPOLAR BEARS THREATENED (Arts & Leisure): GILA BEND -- Drowning in a veritable alphabet soup of protest groups, the Calabash County Polar Bear Club's annual New Years Day dip in the icy waters off Poodle Island got a chilly reception from concerned citizens gathered from across the political spectrum. "Every year, these environmental infid . . . .
ReadFEDS FEAR HAWKING VIRUS (Arts & Leisure): ATLANTA -- The Centers for Disease Control has issued the first ever viral Outbreak Warning specifically aimed at Internet users. The P54C virus, first isolated during the 1960s in humans living in the Appalachian Plateau Region of West Virginia, induces fever, sweating, dizziness, blurred vision, . . . .
ReadTOBACCO SLAVES SUE FOR REPARATIONS (Arts & Leisure): WINSTON-SALEM -- Health advocates along with the likes of R.J. Reynolds, Phillip Morris and Lorillard are joining forces with common citizens in an unlikely alliance to wage the next big battle in the war on tobacco use in the United States. The Coalition for Lung Atrocities Payback has filed a cla . . . .
ReadANWR SUN TAN OIL SHOWDOWN (Arts & Leisure): WASHINGTON DC -- Republican Senator Ted Stevens from Alaska introduced a bill in the U.S. Senate to fund and develop hotel, resort and recreational facilities in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve. A unique provision of the bill would require all federal lawmakers to spend a two-week vacation abo . . . .
ReadLOCAL ACTOR JAILED FOR PAPARAZZI SCUFFLE (Arts & Leisure): PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- Local thespian Digby Dalhaber spent the night in jail after an altercation with a photographer at the opening of the new film Badger Dancing at the Pistol Creek Outlet Mall Cinema 36. Unlike most fellow actors, Dalhaber assaulted the man because he would not take his pictur . . . .
ReadRAGING BULL CLOSES ZOO (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- The Mudcat Falls Zoo has been closed indefinitely following a tragic accident during the popular Dighby & Billy Saul Show at Haagen Dasz Arena adjoining the Planter's Peanuts Pachyderm House, when Bongo, a three-year-old male elephant, suddenly attacked trainer Billy Saul, grabbing . . . .

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