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Operation Iraqi Freedom Includes Mega Mall

BAGHDAD -- Local real estate magnate Fuzwald Stump unveiled plans to build a new mega mall in suburban Baghdad. When completed, the proposed "Mall of Arabia" will be a 6.3 million square feet complex, making it the largest retail space in the world.

"Look, we're doing our part in the liberation of the Iraqi citizen and that includes helping them enjoy their new found freedom to the fullest extent possible in true American tradition," said 'The Fuzz', as Stump is commonly known. "There's a lot of real estate available there right now at extremely competitive prices, including a couple of slightly used palaces. We'll have a thousand stores and over 25,000 parking spaces, just ready and waiting for the next pilgrimage to Mecca."

Mall of America is this nation's largest retail and entertainment complex. The 4.2 million square foot complex is home to more than 520 world-class shops; Camp Snoopy, the nation's largest indoor family theme park; Underwater Adventures, a 1.2 million gallon walk-through aquarium; a 14 screen movie theater and more. The Mall opened in August of 1992 and is located in Bloomington, Minnesota, just minutes from downtown Minneapolis and St. Paul.

The Fuzz, who is best known as the developer of Stump Tower in downtown Mudcat Falls, has been working closely with the Iraqi Provisional Government and the U.S. State Department. The project has come under intense scrutiny and criticism, though, for signing construction contracts with Halliburton, as well as for allegedly taking a stubbornly arrogant unilateral approach and failing to properly internationalize the project.

"Such scurrilous claims show a great disrespect to our coalition partners, including Taco Bell, Sbarro, Panda Express, Weia Teia, Arthur Treacher's, Haagen Dasz, Chipolte, Daphne's Greek Cafe, Nathan's, Mr. Pita, Einstein's Bagels, HuHot Mongolian Grill, Tim Horton's, Samurai Sam's, Schlotzsky's Deli, and Wienerschnitzel," said The Fuzz defiantly. "We're not going to let some Parisian socialist pantywaist's belly aching stop us from doing the right thing for twenty-five million human beings."

French Foreign Minister Michel Barnier introduced a United Nation's Security Council resolution calling for full Iraqi government control of all commercial projects in the country, as well as the immediate withdrawal of all McDonald's Restaurants from the Middle East and a leasing prohibition against any Walmart, Home Depot, Target or Disney Store retail outlets with out U.N. approval.

The Fuzz indicated that the world's largest home improvement retailer has expressed serious interest in becoming an anchor store for the Mall of Arabia, noting, "What more profitable place in the world could there be to put a Home Depot than a war zone?"




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