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Tobacco Slaves Sue for Reparations

WINSTON-SALEM -- Health advocates along with the likes of R.J. Reynolds, Phillip Morris and Lorillard are joining forces with common citizens in an unlikely alliance to wage the next big battle in the war on tobacco use in the United States.

The Coalition for Lung Atrocities Payback has filed a class action suit against over 200 Native American tribes calling on the Indian nations to apologize to nicotine addicts for their hardships and bestow on them reparations, whether it be in the form of money, land, or other goods.

"It was Indians that started the tobacco scourge by foisting it on Sir Walter Raleigh in the, ah, you know, a long time ago, anyway" said CLAP Chairman Sid Knoose, who is also the R.J. Reynolds Marketing Manager generally credited with inventing Joe Camel. "And everybody -- people, companies and governments have all been paying a heavy price ever since."

Tobacco has been growing on the American Continent since about 6000 BC and began being used by native cultures at about 3000 BC. It has been smoked in one form or another since about 2000 BC and has a very long history of use in Native American culture.

Experts estimate that over 450,000 Americans die annually from diseases related to cigarette smoking. The total cost of caring for people with health problems caused by cigarette smoking -- counting all sources of medical payments -- is about $72.7 billion per year, according to health economists at the University of California.

CLAP points out that 387 Native American casino facilities in over 28 states generate gambling revenues of over $25 billion per year. Cigarette companies want a share of that cash to offset their own $246 billion, 25-year, multi-state tobacco settlement signed in 1998.

"First syphilis, then small pox and the cavalry," said local Shemp Pa Queeg tribal Shaman and Pit Boss Ernie Wrinkled Feathers, "and now the white man sends his lawyers to rub us out. I think we're finally done for."



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