 Read | ENVIRONMENTALISTS COOL ON THE LORD'S HELP FOR GLOBAL WARMING (News): SAN FRANCISCO — A consensus of scientists and climate change activists have banded together to file a law suit against a Christian-based environmental group for co-opting their issue. “There’s really no need to bring religion into this matter,” explained Sierra Goremundi, self-described Alpha B . . . . |
| Read | OBAMACARE FOR YOUR STUFF (News): WASHINGTON DC -- Undeterred by the server glitches, software bugs, security issues, missed deadlines, policy cancellations, applicant confusion and apparently massive consumer apathy in the roll-out of HealthCare.gov, the White House has announced a major expansion of ObamaCare to cover not only Ci . . . . |
| Read | LGBT GROUP PROTESTS EVOLUTION (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- A local alternative lifestyle advocacy group, Cranky LesGaBiTransians for Accommodation in Public, staged a demonstration in front of Calabash-Hoover High School today to protest the teaching of the Theory of Evolution. "It is a violation of our civil rights for a government funded . . . . |
| Read | UNION PICKETS LOCAL WALMART (News): PISTOL CREEK -- The local Super Walmart was picketed yesterday by union members, protesting the retailer giant's outsourcing of cremation services to China through kiosks in the store. Cadaver Laborers and Afterlife Preparers local 19, representing funeral attendants, embalmers, cosmetologists, hea . . . . |
| Read | O'HARE BALM SCARE (News): CHICAGO -- The nation's air transportation system ground to a halt as Chicago's O'Hare Airport was shut down as the Transportation Security Administration evacuated all the concourses in frantic a search for an alleged bomb suspect. The breach began at 9:15 a.m. CDT, Friday, closing the nation's bu . . . . |
| Read | DEAN ACCEPTS MCMAHON RESIGNATION (News): BURLINGTON -- Following on a series of desperate moves to right his listing Presidential campaign, Howard Dean quietly accepted the resignation of Vince McMahon. The move took media pundits by surprise, as most were unaware that the Chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment had been serving as a pa . . . . |
| Read | BLISTER PACK BURSTS BIRTHDAY BUBBLE (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- A Riverview Heights birthday party ended in tragedy this past weekend when one party guest was killed and two others were injured during a present opening incident that is under investigation by authorities. Friends and family had gathered to celebrate Merle Perkle III's forty-secon . . . . |
| Read | TWEED TEETERS ON TV (News): WASHINGTON DC -- Immediately following his appearance on Meet the Press, Senator Fritz "Kingfish" Tweed, beloved populist and local Democrat party leader, was taken into protective political custody by officials of the Democratic party after making remarks that most pundits agree could be construed . . . . |
| Read | PROTESTERS UP IN ARMS OVER SURVEILLANCE (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- The ACLU has filed suit against the Calabash County Sheriff's Department on behalf of the Consolidated League of Affiliated Protesters, alleging the violation of civil rights of peaceful protestors by unlawful spying and intelligence gathering. "Spying by law enforcement on peaceful . . . . |
| Read | BIG BANG GOES BUST (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- Mayor Alabaster and his administration are now occupying temporary offices in mobile home trailers set up next to the Soldiers and Sailors Monument in Courthouse Square after the implosion demolition of downtown's Trinity of the Wilderness Pentecostal Church went awry, sending the s . . . . |
| Read | UNION PROTESTS SPREAD TO CALIFORNIA (News): SAN FRANCISCO -- A wildcat strike by the California Legislators, Administrators and Paper-pushers Local #19 shut down city hall yesterday, as hundreds of members and sympathizers staged a sit-down to call attention to their demands for the right of workers to retire with dignity. While most public . . . . |
| Read | RECOVERY ACT STIMULATES LOCAL ENTREPRENEUR (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- Federal stimulus money is not only helping the local economy here in Calabash County, it is helping to rescue crippled birds by funding the vision and efforts of a local entrepreneur. Once shunned and ridiculed by the local business community and citizens alike, Abernathy Guttersnip . . . . |
| Read | MAYOR CAUGHT SPYING ON COUNCIL RIVALS (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- According to a confidential whistleblower within the Administration, Mayor Archibald Alabaster III approved a program to apply advanced data mining techniques to spy on City Council rivals and directed the collection of sensitive personal information on political rivals. "This viola . . . . |
| Read | P.E.T.A. PROTEST "SQUASHED" (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- City workers were seen cleaning up blood, fecal matter and corpses from the street outside Bio-Die Chemical Corporation, where an animal rights protest unexpectedly went awry yesterday afternoon, leaving death, injury and tearful school children abandoned in its wake. In a prepared . . . . |
| Read | DOUBLE PLEASURE, DOUBLE FUN? (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- At the recent conclusion of their contentious, oft times raucous annual convention, the local chapter of the National Organization for Reform of Marijuana Laws found itself split along generational lines with the formation of a new Political Action and Reform Arm by angry and disaff . . . . |
| Read | DEMS DENY LEPER COLONY PLANS (News): WASHINGTON DC -- Flush with polling data showing high prospects for significant midterm election gains, Democratic leaders have been secretly making plans for the day they take back control of Congress, the most notorious reportedly being the establishment of a so-called "leper colony" for conserva . . . . |
| Read | FRENCH TROOPS MASSING ON BORDER (News): PARIS -- Stinging from the recent blizzard of talk radio insults, internet jokes and late night TV show monologues impugning French military prowess, President Jacques Chirac has launched an effort to rehabilitate their nation's tarnished image by ordering the mobilization of troops to the border o . . . . |
| Read | GLOBAL WARMERS CALLED RACIST (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- Dr. Jackson Selma Montgomery, Jr., preacher at the Southside Baptist Church dropped a political bombshell during his Sunday sermon when the second generation local civil rights leader called global warming activists the modern day environmental equivalent of the Klu Klux Klan. "Just . . . . |
| Read | TURNING OUT THE JAILHOUSE VOTE (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- The ACLU has filed suit against Sheriff Atticus W. Moosejowl and the Calabash County Jail on behalf of Edsel "Slash Face" Nelson for violations of his civil rights under the National Voter Registration Act of 1993. "We strongly believe that voting is a fundamental right of every cit . . . . |
| Read | SEND THEM PACKING (News): DENVER -- This year's annual Columbus Day protests were marred by an announcement by the Citizens to Let 'em All re-Patriate.org that the group had raised an unprecedented $623 million dollars in its first year of existence. The arch-conservative group has been labelled racist, fascist, misogynist, . . . . |
| Read | MICROSOFT DENIES XP SERVICE PACK EXPLOSIONS (News): REDMOND -- Microsoft denied today that its Windows XP Service Pack 1a is responsible for a rash of recent personal computer explosions. "These bogus stories are just a new twist on a well documented urban legend that has been largely discounted," said company spokesman Paige N. Tiernet. "Besides, e . . . . |