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Global Warmers Called Racist

MUDCAT FALLS -- Dr. Jackson Selma Montgomery, Jr., preacher at the Southside Baptist Church dropped a political bombshell during his Sunday sermon when the second generation local civil rights leader called global warming activists the modern day environmental equivalent of the Klu Klux Klan.

"Just like they didn't want our people coming into their lily-white suburban neighborhoods in the Sixties," Montgomery testified from the pulpit, "today they don't want our people coming into their blonde-haired, blue-eyed, lily-white latitudes."

A recently released Center for Latitudinal Analysis of Population concluded that continued global warming will result in an inevitable migration of generally darker complected populations indigenous to equatorial regions pressing northward towards Canadian, Germanic, Scandinavian and Icelandic areas.

"This is simply ridiculous," said Oscar Award winning director of An Inconvenient Truth and former Vice President Al Gore. "The planet has a fever!"

Gore's denial was immediately echoed by other Global Warming activists, including Laurie David, Ted Danson, Sheryl Crow, Leonardo DiCaprio, Charlize Theron, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"I got your fever right here, Big Al," responded Montgomery through a bull horn as he led a protest march against the Sierra Club. "And it's gonna take more than Tylenol to make it go away.

Officials estimate that twenty-five thousand protestors descended upon the Pistol Creek strip mall location of the environmental group's office chanting, "We're black and hot and coming for your spot."

Clinton Svinktaogle, Executive Director of the Calabash County Chapter of the Sierra Club, speculated that the controversy was manufactured by Karl Rove, Political Advisor to President George Bush, as a clever ploy to try to split the African-American voter block away from the Democrat party in the upcoming election.



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