Go to News Headlines

Double Pleasure, Double Fun?

MUDCAT FALLS -- At the recent conclusion of their contentious, oft times raucous annual convention, the local chapter of the National Organization for Reform of Marijuana Laws found itself split along generational lines with the formation of a new Political Action and Reform Arm by angry and disaffected younger members. PARA-NORML, as the new splinter group is known, was founded in reaction to the selection of Hugh Romney as their candidate for Mayor of Mudcat Falls.

"K-rad, dude -- PARA-NORML -- ESP -- Get it?" enthused Pistol Creek Sophomore, Zachary Zelig, who was attending his first convention. "It's twice as good as the regular NORML, so that's like thirteen-thirty-seven. Got a Hershey Bar? I'm starving."

The controversial selection of Romney, better known by the moniker of his Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor, Wavy Gravy, was made well over a year in advance of the 2004 elections to assure that the organization actually fielded a candidate, something which it had not accomplished in the thirty years of its existence.

"This convention was supposed to be held in March, so as you can see, for obvious reasons, it's kind of hard getting anything done in a timely fashion in our committee meetings, so we wanted to get a head start on next year's political campaign season -- and I think we made it," explained Arlo Gilgamensch, President of the local chapter. "Now that we've got a candidate, I just hope everybody remembers to vote when the election finally gets here."

Gravy's previous political activities include serving as Chief of the Please Force at Woodstock, working on the Birthday Party's 1976 campaign to elect Nobody for President and running for Berkeley City Council with the slogan, "Let's elect a real clown for a change." He did not attend the local convention, so no acceptance speech was made to lay out his campaign platform.

"That Gravy guy is just another establishment lamer," said Zelig. "It's time for a change. We need a man of the people who is a straight talker who will get things done."

In rebellion against their Baby Boomer Elders, the Gen-Xers were on the verge of selecting rock star Billy Idol as their own Mayoral candidate when a caravan of Santino's delivery drivers showed up with seven hundred thirty-seven pizzas. The convention was gavelled to a close before Idol's nomination could be brought to the floor for consideration.

In a show of unity, young and old joined together in the traditional trashing in classic Keith Moon fashion of the Kuno Banquet Room at the Mudcat Falls River Front Holiday Inn Select during the convention's closing ceremonies.



Go to News Headlines