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Dean Accepts McMahon Resignation
BURLINGTON -- Following on a series of desperate moves to right his listing Presidential campaign, Howard Dean quietly accepted the resignation of Vince McMahon. The
move took media pundits by surprise, as most were unaware that the Chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment had been serving as a paid consultant for the one-time front runner in the race for the Democratic nomination.
It all makes sense now," admitted MSNBC "Hardball" host Chris Matthews, "The finger pointing, the raspy rants, the belligerent anti-authoritarianism. How could I have missed it?"
After his acquittal on charges of supplying steroids to wrestlers, McMahon masterminded the besting of Ted Turner's rival WCW by changing the WWF from a children's form of entertainment to a kind of male soap opera, filled with smut, sex vulgarity and crude behavior aimed at teenage and twenty-something males. He later challenged Paul Tagliabue and the National Football league with the XFL, but came up short on fourth and long.
"McMahon better not be thinkin' about gettin' into politics -- he better not even think about it or I'll open a can of whoop ass on him like he ain't never seen before." warned James "Serpent Head" Carvelle, who proclaims himself to be America's best-known political consultant. "There ain't no place for his kind in this business. Stay away, Vince. Stay outa my neighborhood or ya'll be sorry."
Campaign Manager Joe Trippi declined to comment on the surprise move, but unnamed sources at Dean's Vermont headquarters spoke of a growing generation gap between young idealistic Deaniacs who cheered Dean on during his so-called "I have a Scream" speech and older, more pragmatic Democratic operatives, who are breathing sighs of relief that their candidate is sounding more like a normal politician. It remains unclear whether this latest shakeup will come in time to help Dean's prospects in the New Hampshire primary.
"I guess that story line played out, but Vince did take him to the top with it," said professional wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin. "I just wish the media would get a clue, though. Come on, already, it's not like he smacked John Kerry with a folding chair or anything -- although, in my experience, it probably would have increased his campaign contribution take by forty to sixty percent."
While the Sunday morning news shows scrambled to book guests from the world of wrestling, ABC announced that Ted Koppel will host a special prime time Nightline Town Hall meeting on the eve of the New Hampshire primary with guests The Rock, Hulk Hogan and Killer Kowalski.
McMahon was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman from his company, Titan Sports, said that their phones have been ringing off the hooks with client inquiries from both Democrats and Republicans.
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