 Read | NBA PRESSURED TO DROP CELTICS TEAM NAME (Sports): BOSTON — The National Basketball Association finds itself embroiled in controversy over the name of its most successful franchise as a Black Lives Matter splinter group is demanding the Boston Celtics name and mascot be dropped and replaced with a more inclusive and less divisive moniker and logo. . . . . |
| Read | FRANCE ACCUSES US OF GENE DOPING (Sports): PARIS -- Henri Serandour, President of Comite National Olympique et Sportif Fancais, has lodged a formal complaint against the United States for cheating by funding and operating so-called "Pixie Mills" where young, nubile gymnasts and figure skaters are genetically engineered and manufactured to g . . . . |
| Read | SCULLING TEAM SCUTTLED (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- Two thirds of the Mudcat Falls Community College Fighting Gourds men's rowing team was lost this week while practicing for the Spider Rapids Fall Regatta after a head-on collision with a coal barge. "Nope. Didn't feel a thing," said Captain Ahab Fitzgerald, skipper of the Lizzie Bor . . . . |
| Read | DUCK SEASON OR WABBIT SEASON? (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- Six local duck hunters, ambushed this weekend by animal rights protesters, have filed a formal complaint with the United States Fish and Wildlife Service, protesting the unfair tactics used by the Calabash League for Animal Protection, also known as CLAP. "They were baiting, which i . . . . |
| Read | KILLER TROUT HEADED OUR WAY (Sports): NATCHEZ -- An abandoned bass boat, lazily lapping at the shore near Morgan's Fork of the Homochitta River, has confirmed the worst fears of game wardens and directors of State Departments of Natural Resources throughout the nation: South American Killer Trout are moving northward, spreading through . . . . |
| Read | RUN FOR THE CURE GOES AWRY (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- The first annual Mudcat Falls 10K Run for the Cure ended in the largest Amber Alert in U.S. law enforcement history this past weekend as hundreds of children went missing while trying to raise money to find a cure for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). "We were all wai . . . . |
| Read | FIELD OF NIGHTMARES (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- A mass grave found by archeology students from Mudcat Falls Community College may have uncovered the reason for the Hickums Dentistry for Cowards Practice's girls preteen softball team's unbroken five-year streak of defeats. "You know, we have been wondering about the creepy flock o . . . . |
| Read | THEY'VE FALLEN & CAN'T GET UP (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- Bette Jo Latrino, the Director of Leisure Activities at the Riverside Senior Citizens Center, and her summer college student intern, have been suspended without pay pending an investigation by state Medicare officials into last Saturday afternoon's recreation program, which apparent . . . . |
| Read | FIGHTING GOURDS TAKE TRIPLE A (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- The Mudcat Falls Community College Fighting Gourds, off to their worst season start in ten years with an 0-6 record, find themselves under attack from a growing number of academics, artists and alumni who are calling for their immediate withdrawal from the Big River Athletic Confere . . . . |
| Read | LEGEND'S LOST LEGACY FOUND (Sports): GREEN BAY -- Controversy from the Ice Age of the NFL has risen from the frozen tundra in Green Bay, Wisconsin, as sports archeologists have unturfed what is purported to be the lost play book of legendary Head Coach Vince Lombardi. When construction workers performing repairs to Lambeau Field, home . . . . |
| Read | TUTU TERROR CANCELS AIKIDO FINALS (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- Porky Chumwater's Hard to Kill Martial Arts Dojo is quiet today after a shocking episode of terror at the opening night competition of the Mudcat Falls Regional Junior Aikido Championships. The only action now is the slow animation of shadows, as the day wears on, from the tossed an . . . . |
| Read | NASCAR BLACK FLAGGED GOING GREEN (Sports): DAYTONA BEACH -- Not everyone is embracing NASCAR's move to E15 Ethanol blend fuel using American-made ethanol from corn grown by American farmers for the 2011 season. "NASCAR is committed to being an environmental leader, and the sport has taken significant steps over the years toward conservation . . . . |
| Read | REID PLAYS RACE CARD AGAIN (Sports): WASHINGTON DC -- Majority Leader Harry Reid took to the Senate floor to once again blast Republicans as racists and obstructionists for opposing sweeping changes proposed for the annual United States Congressional Baseball Game. "Instead of joining us on the right side of history, all the Republica . . . . |
| Read | NUKE EM OFF THE TEE (Sports): CARLSBAD -- Callaway has announced the next generation golf club to succeed its beloved Big Bertha line of over-sized drivers. The "Enola Gay" series employs the very latest Department of Defense advanced technology to produce a wide, forgiving area and provide stability on off-center hits. Slated . . . . |
| Read | ROUGH SEAS AHEAD FOR SAILING & GLOBAL WARMING (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- The Poodle Island Yacht Club filed suit against the Calabash County Light & Power Cooperative, the U.S. Department of Energy and the Danish manufacturer Vestas to stop construction of a proposed wind turbine farm in Northwest Calabash County. "Every year, regatta speeds continue to . . . . |
| Read | HUNKPAPAS LOSE BIG IN COURT (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- Although a perennial loser on the diamond, Hustlin' Hunkpapa's ham-handed shortstop Enrico "Bash" Corrigan won in court what has been called the mother of all victories for incompetents and idiots in the United States. "This verdict will be a landmark decision extending civil rights . . . . |
| Read | OH CANADA, CURB YOUR GOOSE (Sports): SPIDER RAPIDS -- The Spider Rapids Country Club has ignited an international incident by filing suit against the United States' northern neighbor, Canada, for damages and losses due to the presence of undocumented migratory waterfowl from the so-called "Great White North." "This year we were litera . . . . |
| Read | PAR FOR PEACE (Sports): FAR HILLS -- Two stalwart allies in the fight against terrorism have united on yet another front in a unique and novel effort to bring peace and stability to the strife torn Middle East through the spread of good sportsmanship. "It is no coincidence that the two greatest democratic superpowers of m . . . . |