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Gourds Bowl Bid a Bust

EAST RUTHERFORD -- The Mudcat Falls Community College Fighting Gourds football team's invitation to the Dick Clark Censored TV Bloopers Bowl was discovered to have been a hoax when their supposed opponents, the Rutgers Scarlet Knights were a no show for the game.

"Hey, they no-show, they forfeit and we win," declared Gourds head coach Woody Molar during a hastily called news conference in the lobby of the Parsippany Howard Johnson. "And a win is a win is a win, so now we know for sure that we ain't the worst college football team in the nation and our boys are mighty proud of that."

The team's first ever bowl invitation led to weeks of acclaim and celebration, even though the match up with Rutgers was billed as the ultimate Bowl Championship Series game to determine which team deserves dead last place of all college teams for the season.

The Scarlet Knights have won only three of their last 23 games. Since 1996, Rutgers has given up point totals of 50 or more on several occasions. This includes 62-0 at Notre Dame, 80-7 at West Virginia (WVU was shut out the previous two weeks) and 64-6 against Miami.

MFCC Chancellor Emile Ferrot has declined to ask authorities to investigate the fraud, preferring instead the bragging rights and recruiting windfall of a college bowl game victory in spite of questions surrounding its authenticity.

"We'll pay for our own trophy, no problem. And we're going to have a parade, too, damn it. We deserve it," said Ferrot. "I'm just sorry Dick Clark will be unable to be there, but he's still going to be honorary Grand Marshall."

An NCAA spokesman claimed no knowledge of any Bloopers Bowl and denied the existence of any BCS contest to determine a the ultimate national loser in college football.









©2006 MFTHPPPGT




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