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Fireball Fumes Over Femmes

SPIDER RAPIDS -- Four time Cup champion Fireball Richards has lost his long time sponsor to unknown, undistinguished driver Mel Oglvie, who has yet to finish in the top thirty in any NASCAR race.

RK Meat Packing Company, one of the nation's leading suppliers of hot dogs to public schools, universities, professional sports venues and convenience stores, declined any comment on the severing of their relationship with Richards, though same track venue sales of hot dogs and bratwursts are off 37% in the two years since the hall-of-fame driver had been forced to undergo anger management therapy as part of NASCAR-imposed disciplinary action.

The selection of Oglvie was something of a mystery, until the team unveiled its all girl pit crew, the first ever in a Cup race, at the UAW-Daimler-Chrysler 500 at Las Vegas Motor Speedway.

"Shucksl, I'm only going fifty-five on pit road any how," said Fireball rival Humpy McCoy. "It's a real kind of friendly welcome to see them girls wavin' and jumpin' and squealin' as I'm comin' off turn four."

The Jayski's web site called the move part of the Danicazation of motorsports, referring to the Indy Racing League's 2005 Rookie of the Year star, female racer Danica Patrick, who finished fourth in the Indianapolis 500.

Oglvie finished thirty-fourth, but garnered as much air time on FOX as race winner Jimmy Johnson without crashing.

RK Meatpacking reported record-breaking tubular meat product sales following the race, defying the conventional race wisdom of "Win on Sunday, Sell on Monday."



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