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Humpy's WRF Bikini Bash a Bust

SPIDER RAPIDS -- The World Roadrage Federation's highly anticipated premier at Spider Rapids Speedway ended in chaos as thousands of fans collapsed the crash fence and stormed the infield after it was announced that the feature demolition derby event with bikini clad women behind the wheels of SUVs was cancelled.

According to Big River Property and Casualty Insurance's local agent, Wesley Fingletart, the company cancelled the liability policy he wrote for the event because, even though standard Nomex fire retardant material was used to make the driver suits, the company did not feel the garments provided adequate coverage and protection.

"That's bull," said promoter, NASCAR driver and WRF Chairman Humpy McCoy on a cell phone from the safety of his locked hauler. "Wesley is just plain whipped, is what it was."

The event, which was sponsored by Playboy Magazine and Hooter's Restaurants, drew the ire of the local chapter of the National Organization of Women, which threatened a boycott of sponsors and vendors, including Big River Property and Casualty, Dr. Pepper and Trojan Vibrating Ring condoms.

"This outrageous event reinforces every known stereotype of women drivers," said Alicia Fingletart, NOW President and spouse of Agent Fingletart, who briefly led a small, but feisty band of sensibly dressed protestors in a vain effort to block the track's start-finish line, not realizing it is not used in demolition derby contests.

Agent Fingletart was later identified by District Attorney Jack Meddlemeister as a "person of interest" in his probe into ticket scalping when it was learned that earlier in the week, prior to Big River's policy cancellation, he had sold thirty-eight loge seat tickets for the WRF premier on Ebay for over seven times their face value.




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