 Read | BRINGING YOU LESS FOR MORE (Opinion): A funny thing happened in the aisles at the Walmart in Pistol Creek Junction . . . we could not help ourselves from filling our cart, along with hundreds of other shoppers -- many of whom we recognized as our fellow citizens from Mudcat Falls. Citizens -- presumably a majority of whom voted for May . . . . |
| Read | CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? (Opinion): We are dismayed that negotiations between the Teamsters and the Administration of Mayor Archibald Alabaster III broke down last week, resulting in a strike and a union picket line across Main Street during the annual Mudcat Falls Labor Day Parade, thus plunging our last fling of summer into chaos a . . . . |
| Read | ZERO OUT ZERO TOLERANCE (Opinion): The Calabash Unified School District Board of Education adopted and repeatedly re-adopted a zero-tolerance policy which mandates suspension and encourages expulsion of students who "carry, bring, use, possess or personate a weapon or weapon facsimile at school" to send an unambiguous message to stu . . . . |
| Read | CHAIN-LINK THINKING (Opinion): We have carefully studied Mudcat Falls Community College Professor Gunther Uberflassen's treatise, The Thin Gray Line: Quantifying the Border Between Genius and Madness. Yet, we continue to marvel at the Calabash County Board of Commissioners' facility and persistence in their on-going group flirta . . . . |
| Read | "TRUST US, WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING" (Opinion): After listening to the Democrat leadership of Congress and Presidential wannabees, we've sadly had to reverse our endorsement of a universal healthcare program. There is just no way in the world that we would entrust our lives and our children's lives to the same organization that brought us . . . . . . . |
| Read | COLORING OUTSIDE THE LINES (Opinion): Flush with their victories in November, Republicans are rushing in where even fascists might fear to tread by introducing legislation intended specifically to punish Hallmark subsidiary Binney and Smith with a bit of pencil box gerrymandering. At issue is the Crayola color 'Radical Red,' which cons . . . . |
| Read | BLACK HOLE FOR HEROES (Opinion): Funny, how out of all of the hundreds of thousands of service men and women who have bravely served in the war on terror, there have been no Sergeant Yorks, Eddie Rickenbackers, Audie Murphys, or Pappy Boyingtons lauded in the press. Only the daily coverage of the al Quaeda heroes, namely the suici . . . . |
| Read | THE LULL BETWEEN THE BORES (Opinion): It's the eye of the political hurricane -- the Democratic convention having concluded while the opening gavel has yet to drop on the Republican's soiree in New York City -- and damnit we want our peace and quiet -- PLEASE. Unfortunately we can still hear . . . the Peacock squawking . . . the Fox ho . . . . |
| Read | PSEUDO SIOUX (Opinion): We fell for it. We all should have caught on quicker, but didn't. We, too, got caught up in the excitement of a potential boost to the local economy when the Artsonasocal band of the local Shemp-Pa-Queeg Native American Indian tribe announced their intentions of opening a casino on Slap Happy Reser . . . . |