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Tiananmin Square Redux
Sheriff Atticus W. Moosejowl captured the imagination of the whole county, when he single-handedly stopped the advance of a column of mining equipment by standing in its way and firing indiscriminately with his Glock 9 pistol.
When the flat bed trucks rolled up beside the Soldier's and Sailor's Monument downtown and the first Pistol Creek Strip Mining Company bulldozer hit the asphalt, we swear we could hear the glass breaking on City Hall's emergency cache of Depends eight blocks away at our editorial offices, as, once again, our civic leaders missed their wake up calls.
How the U.S. Office of Surface Mining allowed the state Division of Environmental Protection to issue the largest mountaintop-removal mine permit in the history of mankind when it approved Mudcat Falls City Center as ground zero of PCSMC's latest and greatest bituminous coal excavation, without the knowledge of our Mayor or City Council, is inconceivable. Exactly where was Mayor Alabaster when U.S. Geological Survey teams were planting their wooden stakes and orange flags all over downtown? Precisely what smut was Councilman Needlemensch reading when the EPA environmental impact statement was submitted reviewed and approved? And why in the world did the Sierra Club sit idly by while big business conspired to rape and raze our town for coal. What does ANWAR have that we don't?
Thank God for a true American hero: Atticus W. Moosejowl. Thank you, Sheriff, for acting when no one else would and saving our beloved town.
P.S. -- We are sorry to hear of your $12,462 bill for replacement windows due to the ricochets from the eight clips you emptied on our behalf.
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