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Athle-Terrorists Target T-Ballers

MUDCAT FALLS -- In the early morning hours an extremist fringe group of athletic terrorists struck Mudcat Falls Community College, defacing the formerly Dallas Cowboys astroturf surface and defiling the Megatron scoreboard of Green Giant Stadium, home of the Fighting Gourds and site of this weekend's Calabash County T-Ball play-off games.

Impatient with the slow pace of banning sports in all academic settings, a radical splinter group of the PTA, calling themselves Cleanse Learning of Aggressive Play, had gone underground and openly declared war on American organized sports at every level.

"CLAP maintains that scoreless youth soccer and dodgeball bans are nothing but meaningless tokens, meant to mollify society's simpletons," said Clinton Svinktaogle, President of the Calabash County Chapter of the ACLU, which has defended several members of the group on first amendment grounds. "It is their belief that in order to promote world harmony, all activities involving an 'offense' and 'defense' must be banned to save mankind from ultimate destruction."

Gourds Head Groundskeeper Fescue Von Schpackler, who discovered that CLAP had painted the stadium's astroturf completely white making the fielding of ground balls impossible, arranged for an emergency delivery of turpentine and Oxyclean and pressed his crews into overtime to return the field to playing condition in time for the scheduled face off between the Pistol Creek Walther PPKs and the Gila Bend Dragons.

During the game, CLAP computer hackers placed pornographic images on the stadium Megatron, resulting in a forty-two minute delay at the bottom of the fourth inning, before play could be resumed.

The group had previously claimed responsibility for Janet Jackson's infamous "wardrobe malfunction" during Superbowl XXXVIII, though CBS paid a $550,00 fine levied by the FCC.

The Walther PPKs annihilated the Dragons 19-2.

Game two of the best of seven series was sold out with largely dads, grandfathers and uncles filling the stands.





©2006 MFTHPPPGT




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