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Times TKOs Tallies

NEW YORK CITY -- The New York Times announced a major change in policy for athletics reporting by eliminating scores and standings on its sports pages. In keeping with politically correct trends in sports, Times stories will focus on narrative descriptions of play-by-play action, editorial opinion pieces and fan poll results.

"If it's good enough for T-ball leagues and youth soccer, it's good enough for us," said Publisher Arthur Oachs Sulzberger, Jr. "We should be setting an example for the young citizens of our nation and practice what we preach."

Sulzberger went on to explain that the current emphasis on winning has created a "cult of the personality" with out of control salaries and egos, which is destroying the true spirit of athletics.

"Jerks!" was the only printable comment of George Steinbrenner, whose Yankees are looking to lock up an American League play-off spot.

The controversial move during Major League Baseball's fall pennant drive and the kick off of the National Football League's season has brought a veritable firestorm of reaction from fans, league officials and media pundits.

"When did polls become more important than the score of the game?" asked devoted baseball fan and NBC sportscaster Bob Costas. "It's not about who the fans want to win -- it's about reality!"

Worldwide, the journalistic move has been widely praised by Reuters, the BBC and Al Jazeera.

Publicly, officials at Big Apple competitors, the NY Post and the NY Daily News, say they are watching the move closely, but off-the-record are calling it the biggest bonehead decision since the Red Sox sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees.



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