Be Part of the Action, Fun & Mayhem!
Your company can now be an integral and productive part of the great American tradition of small town life for both fun and profit by advertising your products and services to a demographic already warped by the daily deluge of multimedia input to the point of positively passive submission.
We recently commissioned Adjunct Professor Gunther Uberflassen of the Hartley School of Psychotic Behavior at Mudcat Falls Community College to profile our audience. He has found that 62.78% of our readers demonstrate at best a tenuous grasp upon reality, making them a prime target for increasing sales through a regular program of advertising fitness and marketing hygiene -- and a full 18.44% of readers have both the character potential, as well as the disposable income, to effectively elude capture by law enforcement officials after committing a minimum of three homicides within a 12 month period.
Professor Uberflassen's data has been reviewed by the Behavioral Sciences Working Group of Quantico, Virginia, which has verified his findings and recommended that our entire circulation list be placed on the Department of Homeland Security's Official Watch List, meaning that your ad insert is now exposed to the entire population of federal, state and local government civil servants.
Do your duty to God, Country and Mom -- lose weight, become smarter, richer and more popular by advertising in the
Mudcat Falls Times-Herald-Post-Picayunne-Press-Gazette-Tribune.
Contact our Sales Manager, Art Bludstayne, today: