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McCain-Feingold Reprise Repulsed

WASHINGTON -- In a rare show of bipartisan cooperation, Senators from both sides of the aisle resoundingly rejected proposed legislation to severely limit congressional lobbying by metaphorically stoning Sponsor Russ Feingold, Democrat-Wisconsin, with wadded up copies of Senate Bill S.1398.

The symbolic protest was organized by the group Concerned Lobbyists for Access to Politicians, which mobilized it's 35,000 members into a full court press to persuade Congress to kill the bill.

"None of these guys actually read the legislation they vote on. That's our job and once we explained to the Senators where they'd be without us, the rest was easy," said CLAP Chairman Wesley "Gus" Palmschredar. "I don't even think Feingold read his own campaign finance reform bill -- if he had, he wouldn't have voted for it."

The four most important bills from the last Congress — which totaled over 2,900 pages and spent over $1 trillion of taxpayer money — were only available to members 48 hours prior to voting.

"He's just lucky this ain't Old Testament times or them might have been real rocks," bellowed Senator Kingfish Tweed as, in a rare moment of harmony, he shared a post session victory beer with arch Republican rival Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania. "I'm still trying to figure out the last mess that cheesehead got us into with McCain."

Feingold was rushed to George Washington University Hospital where he underwent outpatient surgery to treat a severe paper cut and was later released.



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