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Suspected Saddam Simulacrums Suspend Trial

BAGHDAD -- The trial of Saddam Hussein was adjourned by the Chief Judge indefinitely in the midst of a scandal broken by the New York Times over the use of suspected doubles for the former ruler of Iraq during the trial.

"President Bush lied about weapons of mass destruction and now, again, he's gotten caught red-handed lying about the capture of Saddam Hussein," said Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean. "Now we know for sure that the Iraqi people are not better off after our imperialistic invasion."

Hussein was purportedly captured December 13, 2003, by units of the 1st Brigade of the 4th Infantry Division, hiding in a 6 foot by 8 foot hole in the ground, during a raid in Ad Dawr approximately nine miles from his hometown of Tikrit.

In a story by Times Reporter I.S. Kariot, unnamed U.S. intelligence agency sources revealed that the man appearing in court as Hussein is, in reality, a series of hand selected imposters to perpetuate the myth of his capture and trick the public into believing that the U.S.'s intervention in Iraq is a success. The sources provided un-retouched photographs to bolster their claims.

The real Saddam Hussein was known to make wide use of look-alikes to take his place at public events. The look-alikes not only fulfilled some of his duties, their public appearances also hid the Iraqi leader's true whereabouts.

"Are you people really serious? You just can't really be that clueless, can you?" exclaimed a clearly exasperated Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld in the face of a barrage of reporters' questions about the Times story during a Pentagon press briefing. "Can we have a reality check here? Open your eyes and look! That is a picture of Ernie Kovacs. That is a picture of Jerry Colonna. That is a picture of Groucho Marx -- and they are all dead for crying outloud."

In a written statement The Times declared it is standing by its story.

Appearing at a joint press conference, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid joined Senators Schumer, Kerry and Kennedy in calling for hearings into the Bush Administration's actions to continue to mislead the American public with "political stunt doubles."



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