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Global Warming Blamed for Firing

PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- Local sausage machine operator, Albert Slaughter, is appealing his dismissal from the R.K. Meat Packing Company, citing global warming as the reason he fell asleep at his station and allowed over 20,000 pounds of rendered meat by-products to spill on the factory floor when the kilbasa packing line ran out of sausage casings.

"My client is a victim of greenhouse gasses, here, just as surely as if he had been hit by a refrigerated meat delivery truck in a crosswalk," claimed Slaughter's attorney Steven Dallas during a news conference. "Does the word 'siesta' ring a bell with anyone?"

A 'siesta' is a short nap taken in the early afternoon, often after the midday meal. Such a period of sleep is a common tradition in some countries where the weather is warm.

Dallas asserts that rising planetary temperatures are resulting in human lethargy becoming increasingly common in more northern latitudes, a circumstance his client was culturally ill equipped to handle. Slaughter is suing for back pay and approximately $26 million in punitive damages, claiming his employer and its products are major contributors of atmospheric greenhouse gasses.

August A. Whorlmelmeir III, CEO of RK Meat Packing in Pistol Creek Junction, one of the nation's leading suppliers of hot dogs to public schools, universities, professional sports venues and convenience stores, declined to comment on pending litigation.

Environmental activists, union leaders and trial lawyers are watching this case closely, as it is the first time an individual has claimed damages due to catastrophic climate change.



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