Go to News Headlines

Climatologists Have Difficulty Adjusting to Real World

MUDCAT FALLS -- The email scandal at East Anglia Climate Research Unit last November put many climate researchers out of work and many of those global warming academics have been finding the adjustment to the real world difficult.

"Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything!' said Dr. Ray Stanz, formerly of Columbia University. "You don't know what it's like out there in the private sector. They expect results."

Dr. Gunther Uberflassen, Mudcat Falls Community College Adjunct Professor of Psychology, has founded a support group to help out his fellow educators and researchers called Climatologists Learning to Acclimate to the Private-Sector.

"Many of these folks find themselves working in the food service or hospitality industries to make ends meet," said Uberflassen. "Working as waiters, parking valets or janitors -- they might as well have been kidnapped by aliens and taken to another planet."

The Director of CLAP went on to explain the severe psychological stress when an employer berates a hapless professor if he serves a hot meal cold or a cold meal hot, calls out a climatologist for speeding in the parking lot, or chews out a global warmist for using excessive solvents when cleaning rest-rooms.

"We call it Post Traumatic Climatic Disorder," explained Uberflassen, "Because the symptoms displaced weathermen exhibit are so similar to those of veterans returning from combat.

Recently, Pistol Creek University Meteorology brevet professor Terrence Senntrick was arrested for disturbing the peace when he experienced a nervous breakdown over the prospect of having to serve "baked Alaska" dessert to diners at Chateau Porky's.

"We just can't save them all," lamented Uberflassen.

CLAP has received $127 million in federal funding. They are currently treating nearly 250 climatologists.



Go to News Headlines