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Super Hero Wannabee Apprehended
MUDCAT FALLS -- A masked man dressed in a blue jump suit with a bright red cape, claiming to be a super hero called "Captain Electron," was apprehended by Sheriff's deputies in the Barleycorn District after a high speed foot chase that wove to and fro through the downtown area for most of the morning. There were no official reports of innocent injury from the hot pursuit incident, even though thousands poured out of downtown office buildings and store fronts to line the streets as spectators, sometimes cheering the sly and elusive cartoon-looking character, who clearly frustrated local law enforcement officials.
"Do not touch me unless you are properly grounded," exclaimed Captain Electron cryptically while being subdued and handcuffed. "I am the most negatively charged particle in the universe. You may be injured or killed or worse!"
"I ain't seen nothing like this since Nam," said Sheriff Atticus W. Moosejowl at a news conference after the apprehension. "Ya wander too close to a B-52 Arc Light carpet
bombing and you come out with soiled diapers and cryin' for your mama. But this . . . it's over the line."
"I am a juggernaut," screamed the short paunchy man, who claimed to have graduated from Harvard Business School and was once an "Industrial Maggot" as he was walked up the steps of the Calabash County Courthouse, flanked by Sheriff's deputies. He taunted officials, "I'll teach you how to be a proper sheriff -- And I'll teach you how to be a proper Harvard Meter Maid -- And, you -- what the *&^@#$ are you doing?"
"Jugger - nut is more like it," said Porky Chumwater, manager of the downtown Willie's Taxidermy and Bait Shop, who witnessed the hot pursuit.
Also arrested was a man dressed only in Fruit-of-the-Loom briefs and green go-go boots, who was observed by police hurriedly stripping off a green and purple leotard as he attempted to flee down an alleyway. Mr. Joy-Boy, Captain Electron's sidekick, was later identified as I.M. Grout from DMV records. The duo's blood alcohol levels were not released by authorities.
"Boy, it's been kind of a crazy couple of months," sighed Electron's court appointed attorney, Steve Dallas. "First the Tupperware thing and now this."
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