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History Halted at Pistol Creek

PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- The History Department at Pistol Creek University was shut down yesterday by court order. Judge Aristotle Needlemensch granted the plaintiff's motion for an injunction in Gonzalez, et al v.PCU and issued a cease and desist order prohibiting department professors from conducting classes, giving lectures, administering tests or issuing grades.

Juan Pedro Manuel Hernando Pizzaro Gonzalez filed suit against the university while taking an American history course by Professor Killarney Killkarp called The Evil Empire: Manifest Destiny in the West. His lawyers argued that the series of lectures on the Mexican-American War constituted harmful speech by casting Hispanics in a poor light as losers. The suit was certified as a class action with the inclusion of French, German, Italian, Polish, Iraqi and Native American peoples.

"I can't really say what I really think about all this," said Killkarp as Sheriff's deputies emptied his classroom of students, "not without violating the campus speech code."

The move was hailed by many as a victory for minority rights. The PCU quadrangle was filled with a spontaneous demonstration in support of the education work stoppage.

The Collective of Legionnaires for the Appreciation of the Past, though, warned of dire consequences should Gonzalez prevail. CLAP declared that those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it, but offered no scientific evidence to support their claims.

The action may effect up to 2,700 students currently enrolled in History classes, who will receive incompletes for the current semester. The graduation of three hundred fifty history majors also appears to be in jeopardy since they will be unable to complete their required courses.



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