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Weasels in Sheep Skins

MUDCAT FALLS -- When the spans of the new Third Avenue Bridge missed lining up by twenty-three feet during construction, no one even suspected, as an exclusive MFTHPPPGT/MFTV I-Team Investigative Report reveals, that County Engineer O.B. Wancanoby's Civil Engineering credentials were phoney, the degree hanging on his office wall having been issued by the infamous cinematic Faber College of Animal House notoriety.

At least seventeen members of the Calabash County government and conservative Mayor Archibald Alabaster III's city administration have been found to have presented questionable education credentials in order to obtain their civil service jobs.

"I assure you that this administration takes these allegations very seriously and we are looking into the situation," said Jillian Zdorfming, Mayor Alabaster's Chief of Humane Resources. When questioned on the picture frame obviously missing from the wall behind her desk, Zdorfming excused herself with a curt, "No comment. Gotta run."

In addition to Wancanoby, Calabash Hoover High School Lead Lunchroom Dietetics Technician Arlotta McGurdy's certificates from Hamburger University and the Yale law degree of Assistant County Prosecutor Sabrina Northerlyn have been called into question.

"She is undefeated in the courtroom, so it never occurred to me to check her credentials" admitted County District Attorney Jack Meddlemeister. "She really seems to have a way of connecting with juries. And, as a matter of fact, we haven't had as much trouble getting folks to show up for jury duty -- especially the male registered voters -- since she was hired."

All of the government workers, with the exception of Ms. Northerlyn, have been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of the investigation.



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