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Cone of Silence Proposed for Planet Earth

NEW YORK -- The United Nation's Council on Lookout for an Ailing Planet issued an emergency decree to save the earth, as well as all flora and fauna species, including even mankind, from the ravages of global warming.

"When patient be sick and in, how you say, hospital hammock, he need quiet time, like sign on post say outside," said Vice Chair-Homosapien Sven Turgidsson at a news conference staged outside Manhattan's Bellview Hospital. "Our planet been got a fever and now need much quiet time to heal."

CLAP has called for a symbolic "Quiet Zone" to be immediately established in media coverage of all environmental affairs, claiming that the raging debates over scientific data is taking such an emotional toll on the citizens of the World that it is keeping them from dealing with the crisis rationally and inhibiting governments from taking the appropriate actions to save the planet.

Nobel Prize Winner Al Gore, joined by Congressional leaders Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, endorsed the proposal saying, "Perhaps the time has come for the FCC to establish not only a Fairness Doctrine, but a Wellness Doctrine as well."

The New York Times announced it would comply with the decree immediately by redacting all temperature and precipitation information in its weather reports. Most Big Media companies appear ready to follow CLAP's new guidelines, except, predictably, Fox News, which appears to prefer extinction to survival, sanctimoniously claiming a journalistic duty to report "facts" as an important part of any discussion of current affairs.



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