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Make Over Party Turns Ugly
MUDCAT FALLS -- Last night's make over party at the home of Darla Sue Darling took an ugly turn, ending up with her neatly kept house surrounded by Highway Patrol cruisers, SWAT Team sharp-shooters, K-9 unit Alsatians and, eventually, Sheriff's Department yellow crime scene tape. A six-hour stand-off ended peacefully with three arrests, though charges have yet to be filed as prosecutors work to sort out exactly what happened inside the modest split-level suburban home.
In her twenty year Cosmetic Consultant career, Candace Applerump had never experienced an evening even remotely similar to the events that unfolded inside the Darling home. "Usually sales parties are friendly, happy social events with good friends sharing good stories, good food and good ideas. But . . . I . . . I . . . I . . . Just look, they ruined my car!" Applerump shakily gestured toward the smoldering hulk that was once her prized, pink El Dorado, then broke down and wept.
Darling claimed that toxic chemicals from so many open containers of cosmetics in her family room overcame her friends, inducing a psychotic reaction, but other, unnamed sources suggest that excessive consumption of White Zifindal led to a small cadre of housewives commandeering the party, locking Applerump in the kitchen pantry and forcibly applying foundation, rogue, mascara and lip gloss to other unwilling guests in particularly garish and goulish fashions.
"Look at me! I'm hideous," wept Estelle Pilfilcher, who was examined and released from Calabash County General Hospital with no physical injuries. "Who are these women who made me look like a serial killer? Good God, what could they have been thinking? How can I ever face my church choral group again after they turned me into John Wayne Gacy? What will my grandchildren say? Merciful heavens, I'm ruined, simply ruined."
"I ain't seen nothing like it since Nam," said Sheriff Atticus W. Moosejowl. "I almost blew groceries myself at the sight of it."
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