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Run for the Cure goes Awry

MUDCAT FALLS -- The first annual Mudcat Falls 10K Run for the Cure ended in the largest Amber Alert in U.S. law enforcement history this past weekend as hundreds of children went missing while trying to raise money to find a cure for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

"We were all waiting for them to cross the finish line so we could start celebrating, but they never came over the hill and you know when Porky Chumwater wins a foot race, something not right here," said MF10KRC event organizer and promoter, Dr. Gunther Uberflassen, Adjunct Professor of Psychology at Mudcat Falls Community College. "We were pretty disappointed, to say the least. These kids have so, so much energy. We thought it was a perfect activity for them."

At present, ADHD is a diagnosis applied to children and adults who consistently display certain characteristic behaviors over a period of time. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 3 to 5 percent of the general population has the disorder, which is characterized by agitated behavior and an inability to focus on tasks.

Approximately 135 runners of the 270 who started the race actually crossed the finish line. By sundown, the largest missing person search in Calabash County history was underway, employing units of the Sheriff's Department, the State Highway Patrol, the Mudcat Falls Fire Department, and the National Guard. While some runners were found in hazardous locations like the Mudcat Falls Municipal Zoo, Stevie Rays Blues Club and Lock & Dam #13, searchers found many clumps of children gathered at McDonald's, the Best Buy video department, and the downtown Haagen Dasz Superstore.

"Just what in God's name were these people thinking?" exclaimed frantic Soccer Mom, Hillary Hickums. "What's next? Mountain climbing for asthmatics? Archery for the Blind? Darts for the Dyslexic?"

The Calabash County Unified School District cancelled classes at Charles Dickens Elementary School due to the fact that over half the student population was still missing.

"We are working with Novartis Pharmaceutical Corporation to make sure that next year we have Ritalin stations set up next to each water table along the route," said Uberflassen. "And I am sure we'll be able to raise more than $32.17."



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