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NIKE Sued by Local Legend

PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- The sporting goods industry is reeling from news of a lawsuit filed in Calabash County District Court alleging a direct connection between serious health hazards and the wearing of athletic shoes.

The suit, filed on behalf of Slingin' Sonny Turgeson, legendary Pistol Creek University Bullets quarterback, asks for unspecified compensatory and punitive damages as the result of injuries alleged to have been suffered as a direct result of the use of NIKE cleated football shoes. Turgeson's career came to a tragic end during the team's appearance in the Asparagus Bowl in Stockton several years ago when his right leg was bent backwards like a Flamingo knee by the combined weight of the entire California State University of Stanislaus defensive squad.

"There's not even a Surgeon General's warning or anything on those things and now I'm a physical and emotional cripple," said Turgeson. "And our young children get hooked on these products like crack cocaine with slick Madison Avenue marketing and millions of dollars spent on advertising."

Sport injuries are the leading cause of unintentional injury in children and youth and peak at 42% annually for people aged 15 to 24. They represent a significant public health concern accounting for 23% of all traumas, second only to motor vehicle injuries, and are the leading cause of morbidity in children. According to the U.S Consumer Protection Safety Commission (CPSC) in its April 7, 2000 report on Sport Related Injuries Amongst Baby Boomers – sports related injury costs were more than $18.7 billion dollars in the United States alone in 1998. By comparison, tobacco usage costs $20.8 billion in personal health expenditures per year.

"Obviously a ton or so of beef-munching, steroid-gulping football linemen had more to do with Mr. Turgeson's condition than our product and to blame NIKE is like blaming Firestone for exploding Ford Pintos," said company spokeswoman Tikki Anghoraminks. "Besides, we believe the shoes Mr. Turgeson was wearing at the time were actually knock-offs."

The Society for Concerned Scientists was quick to pile on with a press release that accused NIKE, Reebok, Adidas, Phat Farm, et al, of not only being a major health hazard, but of enslaving children, polluting the air, poisoning drinking water, raping the rain forest, killing wildlife in it's never ending hunger for leather and raising the earth's atmosphere from the manufacturing processes used to heat latex, rubber, epoxy and whatever other synthetic materials might be used in their athletic shoes.

"Although our research is in the early, preliminary stages, there is such a strong correlation between the wearing of athletic shoes and lower extremity injuries such as sprained ankles, pulled muscles, torn ligaments and broken bones, that the connection simply cannot be ignored or dismissed," said Professor Gunther Uberflassen, Acting Head of the Mudcat Falls Community College Ad Hoc Department of Pre-Med. "It is curious that such injuries are simply not experienced in the same magnitudes by wearers of oxfords or tasseled loafers. We have found, though, that those folks do tend to have a higher incidence of hemorrhoids."

NIKE is the world's #1 shoemaker and controls over 20% of the US athletic shoe market. The company designs and sells shoes for a variety of sports, including baseball, cheerleading, golf, volleyball, and wrestling. NIKE also sells Cole Haan dress and casual shoes and a line of athletic apparel and equipment. In addition, it operates NIKETOWN shoe and sportswear stores, NIKE factory outlets, and NIKE Women shops. NIKE sells its products throughout the US and in about 200 other countries. NIKE's sales last year totaled $12.2 billion.

"Let me just say that Joe Camel's company, R.J. Reynolds had sales of 5.2 billion dollars last year," said Turgeson's attorney, Steven Dallas. "This case has got 'class action' written all over it and by the time we're done with these guys, the tobacco settlement is going to look like chump change."




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