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Pucks, Chips Fly as Manure Hits Fan

PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- A scheduling error at Glock Coliseum resulted in a bizarre sports exhibition combining the best -- and often the worst of ice hockey and rodeo bull riding. When the National Quarter Pro Hockey Beavers showed up to face-off against the Laval Loons of Canada, half their two hundred foot rink was covered with dirt for the Big River Rodeo Circuit finals.

You can't skate on dirt and you can't play half-court hockey," said the Loon's stand-out defensive linesman Antoine LaFarge. "You Americans are the real loons."

Officials are at a loss to explain how two such diverse events could be booked for the same venue on the same day and how the error was not discovered until the day the stands began filling with fans.

"What we have here, is failure to communicate," said Glock Coliseum Marketing Director Sly M. Peddlar. "Some of our sales reps thought the hockey season was over with the owner's lock-out and booked the venue not realizing there's a difference between the NHL and the NQPHL."

An uneasy truce prevailed with bull riding on one side of the area and pucks flying on the other, until the rodeo action paused for the WMFM-FM Cow Chip Throwing contest to determine who would represent Calabash County at the World Championships in Oklahoma. A potentially record-breaking toss crossed the red goal line triggering a mistaken icing call from the hockey referee and causing a six player pile-up behind the net.

Outraged hockey fans attacked rodeo fans and the ensuing riot was only quelled when sheriff's deputies had fire hoses turned on the melee, melting the hockey rink ice and turning the rodeo arena into a mud pit.

"I ain't seen nothin' like it since Nam," said Sheriff Atticus W. Moosejowl. "The only thing missing out of this quagmire is the rice."

Both events were cancelled and the local favorite Beavers were forced to forfeit to the visiting Loons.

"I was robbed," exclaimed chip-chucker Sammy "Slip-Knot" Williams, whose toss incited the sports riot. "It was a record throw, I tell you. A new world's record."

Officials could not verify the distance of Williams's throw due to the riot and the disintegration of the manure. The current world record of 185 feet, five inches (56.5 meters) is held by Robby Deevers of Liberal, Kansas.



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