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Wrasslin' Gone Wild

PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- Friday night's Extreme Wrestlemania Ultimate Death Match Smack Down at Glock Coliseum degenerated into bonifide pandemonium when Tommy "Room Temperature" Topeka stormed into the crowd to confront a fan who had doused him with beer and the stands erupted into unscripted violence.

"I thought that was the story line," said a heavily medicated Topeka from his Calabash County Memorial Hospital bed where he was life-flighted after being pinned for a full three count by Section AA. "Didn't anyone tell those kooks this was just a show? I was supposed to win."

The two-time heavy weight champ was conferring with officials from a prone position on the judge's scoring table during his match with Gangrene Galahad, when a plastic mug full of Bud Light hit him square in the chest. The cold liquid seemed to revive him from what was clearly a stupor induced by a series of Galahad's pile drivers, but instead of re-entering the ring, Topeka charged into the crowd of jeering fans.

"We opened a number ten can of whoop ass on ol' Room Temp, we did," said Gilda Smockringle, who claimed victory in the extracurricular match, along with 250 other detainees. "We'll see if he's man enough for a rematch."

Six wrestlers from Saturday night's fight card were admitted to Calabash County Memorial Hospital in varying states of consciousness. No fans were reported injured.

"I ain' seen nothing like this since Nam," said Sheriff Atticus W. Moosejowl. "It was like Tet Sixty-Eight all over again."

Saturday night's event was sold out to standing room only.



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