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Rough Seas Ahead for Sailing & Global Warming

MUDCAT FALLS -- The Poodle Island Yacht Club filed suit against the Calabash County Light & Power Cooperative, the U.S. Department of Energy and the Danish manufacturer Vestas to stop construction of a proposed wind turbine farm in Northwest Calabash County.

"Every year, regatta speeds continue to fall as more and more of these abominable wind sucking contraptions are erected across this great nation," bellowed Commodore Ascot Yawl at a press conference, "Damn the torpedoes and all that -- We have a constitutional right to the wind, too."

The U.S. Sailing Association confirms that studies have shown a direct correlation between the erection of wind turbines and declining race speeds.

"The planet has a fever," explained Sunshine Meadows, spokesperson for Climate Lovers for Alternative Power, "and these pampered elitists would end life as we know it so they can sail around in their silly races all weekend for a lame little bowling trophy."

CLAP has filed an amicus brief on behalf of the defendants in the suit.

"Well, I guess my client could always start racing motorboats," said Steve Dallas, attorney for the PIYC. "And start belching out greenhouse gasses every weekend."












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