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Spring Training Hits Snag

PRICKLY PEAR --The Hustlin' Hunkpapas arrived in Arizona last week for spring training only to discover that their state-of-the-art training facility had been turned into a strip mall.

"Yeah, we forgot they was coming," said Prickly Pear Mayor Tony Santa Anna unapologetically. "It ain't like they're the Cubs or nothin'."

The site of former Susquehanna Stadium now boasts a Walgreens, a Great Clips, a Quizno's Sub Shop and a Dollar Store, where once the boys of summer chased their field of dreams. The team is currently booked four to a room at the local Motel 6 while management scrambles to improvise ways to get the team in shape for the 2004 season.

"We're getting things under control and I promise our loyal fans that we will be ready for opening day," proclaimed team spokesman Neville Batts. "The pitching batteries are already working out over night on the Painted Desert Bowl-A-Rama lanes, which, at seventy-five feet long, are simply perfect for a temporary bullpen. And, frankly, I think that playing our games in the alley behind the section eight housing downtown will toughen us up for our opponents."

Real estate filings show that the property upon which Susquehanna Stadium was once located is owned by Media Mogul Sonny Stickleford who also owns both the Hustlin' Hunkpapas as well as this publication. Stickleford refused to comment for the record, kicking reporters out of his office, calling them tile grout and threatening to fire them if they ever bothered him again.

While most of the players appear to be taking the situation in stride, ex-major league slugger and clean up hitter Bo "Chicken" Nuggets walked out of camp in protest.

"Well, it might have been more of a blow to the team," said Batts, "if Bo's batting average was actually higher than his weight."

The Hunkpapas lost their first exhibition game to the 18th Street Gang, 14-3.




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