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Mascot Massacre

PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- One of the classic sports rivalries of the Big River Athletic Conference ended in tragedy when Blackie the Bulldog was arrested on second degree murder charges for a third quarter time-out incident during Saturday evening's long awaited match-up between the Pistol Creek University Bullets and the Berkeley Grizzly Bears basketball teams.

"Yeah, sure, maybe Yogi was rubbing it in a bit, but we were murdering the Bullets on the court," said sidekick Berkeley Booboo. "He didn't have to shoot him, though. That's just part of our whole schtick."

Beloved Blackie, named for Black Talon hollow-points, emptied the entire clip from a semi-automatic pistol into the rival mascot after the bear tried to mock him by humping his leg to reflect the 82-37 killing the Berkeley team was inflicting on the Bullets.

"We just never saw it coming. Blackie was usually a pretty up beat guy -- he was a mascot after all," said Bullets cheerleader Mixie Marklebuns. "But I guess maybe he did start taking some of the losses a bit too hard, but, hey, everybody kind of drinks a lot after the games."

Due to the size of his costume, Blackie could not fit through the Pistol Creek University Glock Arena metal detectors, allowing him to sneak the firearm into the game undetected.

After a thirty-minute janitorial delay, referees caucused and called sixteen technical fouls on the Bullets team, allowing one free throw for each shot taken.

Blackie was taken to the Calabash County Jail and held without bail.

"If only he had taken out their point guard, too," said Bullets Head Coach Red Whitey, following their 127-66 mauling on the court. "We might have had half a chance for a late game comeback."



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