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Gucci, Gucci Goof

We read with great interest our reporter's dispatch from the Calabash County Board of Commissioners meeting regarding Marjorie Needlemensch's presentation of the findings from her $1.3 million dollar study of local traffic patterns. The report has been greatly anticipated as a Mudcat Falls' best chance to get a dedicated turnpike exit funded by federal highway dollars.

Ms. Marjorie dazzled the room, resplendent in a Versace dress, Gucci shoes, Tiffany diamonds and a Louis Vuitton bag, but she so far outshone her props and models, which appeared to be constructed by a ten year old out of shoe boxes, construction paper and Matchbox Hot Wheels cars, audible gasps were heard when they were unveiled.

At an approximate cost of $72,225 per page, we were at first, frankly, a bit disoriented by sticker shell-shock, having expected a bit more hefty tome from the year's worth of research than 18 pages worth of flowery stationary and, perhaps, at least a few charts and graphs representing real data, rather than just Polaroids of pot holes taken through the windshield of a brand new, candy red Mercedes Kompressor -- as was apparent from the hood ornament clearly visible in the photographs -- which was later confirmed to be recently registered to Mudcat Falls Councilman Sorrell Needlemensch, Ms. Marjorie's husband.

And while we admire Ms. Needlemensch's penmanship, her impressionistic ramblings and occasional rantings over having to wait while public school busses "disgorge their filthy urchins" made her report seem more a dysfunctional travelogue of Calabash County highways and byways, than a compelling case study to secure a public works project which will jump start our local economy.

We all know how Ms. Marjorie got this contract: political "monkey" business-as-usual. What we do need to know (with apologies to Mr. Needlemensch), though, is: What did the Councilman's Wife spend and where did she spend it . . . And what did the Councilman know and when did he know it?

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©2004 MFTHPPPGT




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