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Tech Companies Calling Customers Psychotic

MUDCAT FALLS -- Local resident Screed Mullins is being sued by his cell phone provider for libel, slander, defamation, disorderly conduct, harassment and stalking.

In papers filed yesterday at the Calabash County Courthouse, AT&T claims that Mullins' made over 250 calls to their customer service and technical support centers in violation of his service contract, "generally accepted societal norms" and "plain common sense."

The move by the second largest provider of wireless service in the United States is seen as a growing trend by tech companies fighting what is known in the in industry as 'CLAP' or "Customers Lying About Problems."

"We have identified a growing pandemic in modern society that we call 'Münchausen by Technology' which is costing high tech companies billions of dollars in lost profits from dealing with unnecessary customer support issues," said Gunther Uberflassen, Mudcat Falls Community College Adjunct Professor of Psychology and founder of the so-called 'CLAP Trap Center'. "Instead of feigning symptoms of illness, consumers exaggerate or create technical issues with their cell phones, computers, software, internet service or home theater systems to gain investigation, attention, sympathy, comfort and companionship."

Uberblassen's research is funded by a who's who of consumer electronics manufacturers, including Microsoft, Google, Yahoo, AT&T, Verizon, Sony and LG.

"This lawsuit is frivolous and completely ridiculous," declared Mullins' attorney, Steve Dallas. "All my client wanted and asked for was that his cell phone actually work as a cell phone, which seems to be beyond the company's capabilities."

AT&T has experienced widespread complaints about dropped calls and spotty service after the launch of the Apple iPhone 3G a year ago. The company claims there are no issues with its network.

"Go ask Uberflassen about that particular psychological disorder," responded Dallas. "I think Freud called it Denial."



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