Go to Arts & Leisure Headlines

Custard's Last Stand

MUDCAT FALLS -- Cala-Pie-Looza, Calabash County's Annual Woodstock for pie lovers, degenerated into total pandemonium when a band of health radicals launched a veritable Transfat Tet Offensive against pastry aficionados from the tri-state region who had gathered downtown for the start of the weekend long calorie intense celebration.

The Collective for Liberating America from Phats swarmed into the crowd targeting official and dignitary faces with cream pie mortar shots, including this year's Grand Marshal, TV celebrity and cookbook author Rachael Ray.

"A pie in the face is the Boston Tea Party of our modern day," said Digby Dalhaber, local CLAP Commander-in-Chief, who is considered to be the General Giap of public health advocates . "We need to send a serious message to the corporate oligarchy in this country, especially Proctor and Gamble which is responsible for millions of consumer deaths after foisting killer Crisco on an unsuspecting public."

Calabash Apple Pie Week, a local tradition dating back to revolutionary days, has long been under assault from concerned scientists, medical experts and a citizenry alarmed over the rising costs of medical care and the increasing obesity of America's youth.

Historians have dated the first known pie back two millenniums to the time of Ancient Egyptians. The Romans are credited with the first known pie recipe and spreading the dish across Europe, until English settlers brought the cardiac scourge to the shores of America.

The protest turned violent when a militant splinter group called the Cholesterol Crusaders set fire to several downtown businesses using Molotov Cream Pies, which are flaky pastry shells filled with napalm, before trapping a small band of dessert defenders in Arlotta McGurdy's diner.

Sheriff Department deputies, reinforced by local militia volunteers, relieved the beleaguered pie lovers after a six hour siege

"I ain't seen nothing like this since 'Nam," said Sheriff Atticus W. Moosejowl. "As a matter of fact, Nineteen Sixty-eight, to be exact."



©2007 MFTHPPPGT




www.mudcatfalls.com



Go to Arts & Leisure Headlines