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CLAP Offers Hope for Women

MUDCAT FALLS -- The Center for Lifestyle Afflictions and Psychoses announced the discovery of a new medical condition known as "Adler's Disease" or Restless Remote Syndrome (RSS), which is said to afflict as many as six out of every ten males in the United States.

"RSS is often misdiagnosed as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, particularly in young boys," said Gunther Uberflassen, CLAP's Chief Scientist and Mudcat Falls Community College Adjunct Professor of Psychology. "but we have found it to be a quite unique ailment which does not respond well to traditional drug treatments, such as Ritalin."

Although CLAP has experimented with a combination of counselling, electroshock therapy and electrode implants, yielding moderate behavioral modification success, Uberflassen announced that the Center is working with several big pharmaceutical companies and Madison Avenue advertising firms to develop a new drug to be marketed principally at married women aged 24-65.

"We are extremely close to success in finding a cure for this debilitating disease," said Uberflassen, "Putting us on the verge of what will certainly be one of the greatest therapeutic breakthroughs since Viagra."

Dr. Robert Adler, for whom Uberflassen named his disease, was a prolific inventor in the field of television, but best known for his work with TV wireless remote control, who died on February 15, 2007 at the age of 93.



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